8/11/2009 worst.day.ever.

One year ago today was undeniably the worst day of my life.  I was admitted to the hospital (for the second time) with mysterious lung nodules… but in much more pain than the earlier 2-day stay at UK.  My fever was 104 point something.  Can someone please throw me in tub of ice?!  The piercing pain in my chest convinced me I must be having a heart attack.  I was also certain that a demon was stabbing a jagged knife into my left side and occasionally twisting it around for fun.  My leg and ankle joints throbbed and the inflamed nodules on my calves made it impossible to walk.  Not to mention I couldn’t breathe. 

I remember being extremely hungry that evening.  I hadn’t eaten much in two weeks- mostly only rice, like my Granny used to make it- with butter, salt and milk.  So my sweet husband volunteered to bring me real food at the hospital.  I vividly recall puking up the Qdoba chicken nachos I had woofed down in attempts to satisfy my starving body.  I had ignored my nausea.  Stupid me.  I dreaded the vomit, not just because I hate vomit, but because the retching worsened the already excruciating chest and side pain. 

I remember the poor IV staff at Good Sam trying to start fluids four different times.  I eventually demanded that they stop trying- my veins were too shriveled up.  When I later requested my medical records, the chart stated “patient refused fluids.”  Not entirely correct.  I simply refused the 5^th attempt of an IV needle digging around in my dehydrated arm.  [Thank goodness the IV tech at UK stuck me first try.  I wish I knew her name.  She deserved a gold star.]

Good Sam hospital didn’t keep me long- I was transported to UK a.s.a.p. by ambulance.  I wonder how much that cost my insurance company.  It was the bumpiest, most miserable ride I have ever experienced.  If you can avoid riding in an ambulance, I advise to do so.  Stretcher wheels need serious shock improvement as well.  I would rather have ridden in a regular car with my mommy and had Christopher scoop me out of the car and carry me in the hospital to my bed.

I don’t remember when I was finally able to receive some Tylenol suppositories for my fever.  Bless my mother for being a nurse and giving these to me.  There were a lot of things I let my mother do to me in the hospital that I would never let her do had I been sane.  I just knew I was very sick and needed help.  Mom, I love you.

The following days I did not really get better.  I think they sliced my chest wall and lung open on the 13^th sometime.  I still have residual pain from those scars- usually when I exercise or stretch my left arm too far one direction.  Apparently I have permanent metal staples in my lung.

I’ve already detailed my hospital experience in previous blogs.  I have just had it on my mind today because it is August 11.  Has it really been a year already?

I thank God for allowing me to survive and for growing me, mostly spiritually.  And for letting me see how much my family and friends love me.  I’m pretty sure my mother-in-law saw me in the shower and I’m pretty sure I didn’t care.  And nothing will be able to separate me from my husband- he is an amazing man.

I have been on Prednisone for a year now, with approximately two 4-week breaks.  I confess it is wearing on me.  I think I've gone crazy.  Soon I will be done with them.  Soon…

Anyway, love on your family today- give them hugs and kisses and tell them how grateful you are for their existence.  I know I am so very grateful for mine.

car wash, yeah!

My co-worker was telling me today that she washed her car this weekend, so I got a wild hair and decided I should wash mine immediately.  It was brutally hot, so I didn't mind getting wet with the hose.  Plus I probably ate 10,000 calories today thanks to my prednisone food cravings, so I needed the exercise for sure.

Here I am, excited about car-washing

I found this Blue Coral Super Foam Car Wash in the garage.  I am certain that I didn't buy it.   Previous owner must have left it, along with the fourteen-hundred other miscellaneous garage gifts...

The Hyundai before its bath

After the bath

Hubs got home earlier than I expected.  (Hurray!)  Look!  Here he comes!

So I washed his ride too.

Before

After

My 5'2" stature is quite problematic for washing tall trucks... so I left the top dirty.  

I don't think anyone will notice.

After my washing spree, I watered my poor little plants and cleaned up the driveway.  I am always fascinated at how much soap you can squeeze out of a giant car-washing sponge.  I must have stepped on that thing 25 times while spraying it with the hose and soap gushed out of it every time.  I eventually gave up because I desperately wanted a cold shower... do not pass Go, do not collect $200.  I intended to clean out my car and vacuum it, but as I said, I was miserably hot.

I'll save the car-vacuuming-adventure for another wild hair.

hair extensions

I got my 6-month hair trim today:

I am trying to grow my hair out long.  It grows very slowly.  

So in the meantime I decided to buy some dark blonde clip-in hair extensions.

You too can have instantly long hair.

Light Blonde, Medium Blonde, Dark Blonde, Light Brown, Medium Brown, or Black

Straight or Curls

Available on August 12

@ Avon online: www.youravon.com/swaynick

maters in the garden

Chris and I experimented this year as to where to put a garden next year.  

The choice is obvious.

Tomato plants at the top of the hill:

withered and half-dead.

Tomato plants at the bottom of the hill:

lush with 5 maters!

Next year I want some tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers, green beans...  We'll see what happens :)

PS3

what my cute husband does when he and his friend have some time off work:

dr. B

Chest x-ray today revealed that my lungs are clearing up (thanks for doing your job, prednisone).  I've got two weeks left- 20mg then 10mg- and Dr B is optimistic that I'll be done after the 10mg (no 5 mg taper).  I'm going back to see him in two weeks for another chest x-ray and more blood-work.  I'm wondering if I'll have AC veins left by the time I'm 30.  Anyway, I'm hoping that 100mg of Imuran will do the job of keeping the lung nodules away.  Only time will tell once I'm off prednisone again. 

Thanks for your prayers as always.  I'm actually feeling fine.  I was having some trouble with my right hip, but prednisone is solving that issue... so it's not all bad.  I've also had some funky cough for about a week (the kind of cough that makes people not want to ride in a elevator with you), but it's getting better.  I don't feel sick at least.  Me and Benadryl have become BFFs.  It's hard to sleep on high doses of steroids, but Sara go night-night with a couple of benadryl capsules.

This year will be better than last year.  I mean, this same time last year I was so sick and in so much pain that I thought I would rather die.  Thank you Lord for delivering me from that.

forgiveness

Disclaimer:  This is a sermon to me.

It is really hard to forgive people.   I have never really had to forgive anyone for doing something that horrible to me or my family.  Think about people who have experienced murder, rape, adultery, abuse….  I can’t even begin to imagine their pain.  Or worse... try to understand how Jesus must have felt dying for the sins of the world and forgiving us for them in the process.  What an insult to Him.  But what LOVE!

I am generally a very forgiving person, but how foolish I can be sometimes to not let offenses go.  Am I that proud?  Let me list out my sins today and put a check mark by all the ones that Christ forgives me for…

Colossians 3:13 says “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

In Matthew 18:21-22, Jesus tells us to forgive people 77 times when they sin against us.  That is a lot of times to forgive someone who keeps offending you.

Matthew 6:15 tells us that if we do not forgive men of their sins, God will not forgive us ours.

How many times have you heard someone say “Well, I could never forgive that person for what they did to me [or insert name here]!”  Are you kidding me?  We are such selfish people.

We are sinners.  We are going to hurt people- sometimes on purpose, sometimes not.  And others will hurt us.  It's the nature of a fallen world.  I certainly hope that if (no, when) I make a mistake, someone will have the heart to forgive me- not begrudge me.

Our life is supposed to reflect Christ perfectly.  It’s what makes us Christian.  Christ loves infinitely.  And He forgives infinitely.  We can’t pick and choose which pieces of Christianity we want to adhere to; therefore we are to love people and forgive people infinitely.

Who do you need to forgive today?

check-up tomorrow

I'm going back to see Dr. Bensadoun tomorrow.  (We have become great pals this last year.)  Tomorrow will mark the end of week 2 for the current prednisone taper, so I start 20mg on Saturday.  I think I'm getting another chest x-ray and of course bloodwork done.  And I'll cough up another office visit copay.

Fortunately it's jeans day at work tomorrow, so I don't have to roll up to UK in my scrubs like I usually do.  Patients tend to stop me and ask where things are in the hospital (i.e. the nearest snack machine) and of course I do not know.  Although, I have frequented UK hospital since July 2009, so I have an occasional answer.

Once I know about the status of my lungs, I will post another update.

My blog life has seriously struggled the last few months... if I do write, it's about my health... maybe because that is all that I seem to focus on sometimes.  I promise that I have done lots of fun things, most of which I neglected to bring my camera to take any pictures.  I'll try to do better.

Most recently, Chris and I went to the HMA (Housestaff Medical Alliance) Family Picnic on Saturday.  About 40 of us (including kids) gathered at Masterson Station Park for a potluck picnic and socializing.  :)  It was a good time and surprisingly good weather- quite cool out.  Then we headed over to play disc golf with a couple of friends.  The weather turned instantly awful.  And somehow a grasshopper crawled up my jeans causing me to have a spastic fit in the middle of the field.  Embarrassing.

This Saturday Chris is working, so I will be going solo to a cookout for HMA at a friend's house.  I'll take my camera.  Hopefully I will take some pictures.

Updates coming...

put on a happy faaaaaaace!

I have resumed a prednisone taper, unfortunately.  Dr B. would like to eliminate the lung nodules while my body gets used to the 100mg of Imuran, since we know that steroids work so well.  I guess that's okay with me.  I'm doing 40mg for a week, then 30, 20, 10 and probably 5.  Then we shall see if 100mg of Imuran by itself will keep the nodules from re-appearing.  One can pray.

I decided that the main reason I hate prednisone so much is the weight gain issue.  I feel like I look stupid with a chipmunk face and I get p.o'ed when I have to wear jeans that are two sizes bigger than what I should be wearing.  Guess I'll just have to Zumba and TurboJam my butt into shape.

Must fight the fat!

uncooperative lungs

Sigh... I have been off prednisone for over a month and have been on Imuran for about three now.  I got a CT scan done July 9 and there were four new small lung nodules.  ACK!  My lungs were normal/clear on April 9.  So the medication battle begins.  The docs are thinking I will just up my dose of Imuran (no prednisone!)... I go see Dr. Bensadoun again next week, so I should know by then.  I don't care what we do as long as I can breathe and I stay out of the hospital.  :)